she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
