Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
