I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize