Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also, beer. Big fan.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
