I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
