I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
