dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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