My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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