i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
