It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize