how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
