Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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