Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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