My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
