she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
