i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
