Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
