Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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