So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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