saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
