why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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