8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
