new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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