I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
