I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
