TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
