R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
