so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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