Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
