new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Randomize
