I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
