Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
