next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
