My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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