he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
