I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
