ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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