Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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