so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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