i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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