how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
