You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
