wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
