i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
