Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
