why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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