I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
