she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
