after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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