my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
