My liver just broke up with me...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
