I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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