I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
