We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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