my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i believe in u and ur pee
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize