His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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