New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
