there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
