My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
