The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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