So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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