I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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