my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
