If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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