So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
