I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
