She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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