We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
