I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
