I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
