Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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