So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
