I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
