exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
