YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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