Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
