I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
