Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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