well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
