You really coming over, don't trick.
...so i touched it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
