i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
