Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
