I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
