normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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