its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
