Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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