I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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