i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
