My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
