I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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