I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
