They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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