I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
