there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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