I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
