I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
