How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
