you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
