she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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