theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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